It was early June 1993, and a friend put out an invitation to help with his ‘float’ for the upcoming Fourth of July Doo Dah parade. Despite not being terribly excited by it, I showed up at his townhouse on Kossuth Ave downtown.
Because of a new Columbus suburb called New Albany and because of the size & big price tag on the new homes going up there, Fred decided to mock the wealthy. That’s what the Doo Dah parade – an annual tradition in Columbus – does. They spoof.
Fred’s idea was to have people walking around dressed as a house in cardboard painted red brick cutouts and a sign mocking the lack of imagination & outright boringness of the homes’ cookie cutter designs. ‘New Albany – Every home is the same – boring!’ That was our sign. That would tie it all together.
We got my father’s old pickup truck (and he volunteered to drive) with the sign attached to the side. The plan was to have 6 to 8 people in ‘walking houses’ complete with windows for our arms & eyes and a black shingle roof. Fred needed help with the construction and he needed volunteers. Also participating were my brother John and his wife Jill, Fred’s new girlfriend and future wife Cheryl, and a couple of Kossuth neighbors.
Because we were experiencing an unprecedented heat wave at the time we decided not only to load the back of the pickup with two garbage barrels full of water balloons but arm each marcher with a super soaker squirt gun that they would have hidden inside their cardboard New Albany home replica. Cardboard and water. We didn’t exactly think this through. We even had a separate garbage barrel full of water for squirt gun refills. What could go wrong?
We all arrived on time in the float staging area around Goodale Park on the morning of the parade. God delivered exactly what we had hoped for – a blistering hot July day with a parade crowd in a festive mood.
Our banner draped on both sides of the pickup was critical to tying our float theme together for the parade patrons. “New Albany – every home is the same – Boring!” The marching houses were of course all the same and distinguishable as houses. We did an excellent job there.
Unanticipated problem #1: It really wasn’t that funny which Doo Dah Parade participants are expected to be. It literally did not cross our mind. Too late now.
This realization, however, did not affect our enthusiasm. We were in a parade. It was the Fourth of July. It’s beautiful outside (albeit blistering hot). And we were locked & loaded with a secret weapon. This beer induced idea actually turned out to be brilliant not because of how boring New Albany’s homes were but how boring our float was.
We had an arsenal of water & we couldn’t wait to unleash it on what turned out to be an incredibly agreeable, enthusiastic & overheated crowd thirsting for water relief.
The parade began.
As we headed up Neil Ave all was tame at the start. We were walking in anonymity which was kinda cool. No one could see our faces.
Then a water balloon got tossed. Then a few squirt gun squirts.
Unanticipated problem #2: Because some water balloons when tossed did not burst upon impact they were subsequently tossed back at us. The mother of all water fights quickly erupted.
We had incoming water balloon missiles. My dad was taking incoming balloons through his open driver side window. They again would not break & he’d toss them back. We were squirting our brains out while taking direct hits on our home. There was a rush to the back of the truck to get refills, balloons, anything. It was exhilarating, refreshing & hilarious all at the same moment. All this while the truck kept moving down the parade route.
In the heat of the battle, we spotted our mom on the parade route and motioned her to jump in the passenger side of the pickup. She began taking water grenades and tossing them back.
At one point in the parade, we met our match. Not only were small children and family units tossing water balloons in our direction, but a parade route resident had seen us coming. He hooked up his hose and sprayed us from his front balcony. We were toast. The cardboard melted.
And, as quickly as it erupted, the water fight was over. The water balloons had all burst. The squirt guns had all run out of ammo. We were left with blown up cardboard houses limply draped on our bodies with our faces exposed as we clung to an empty super soaker. And worst of all we no longer had a sign on either side of the pickup. It was collateral damage.
The truck kept moving up the parade route. We were only halfway done with the parade and virtually our entire float was either blown up or waterlogged. We were unrecognizable. A shell of our boring float themed self.
We could hear the mumbles. The crowd began turning on us as we made the turn toward High St. The home stretch. “What are you?” “You’re not funny.” Thank you. We already knew that.
We made the turn on High Street. Finally. No one in the crowd we passed had a clue what or who we were mocking. The joke was on us.
Unfortunately, because of the water shenanigans and other issues, the Doo Dah Parade was canceled the next three years.
Now, today, some thirty years later as I look back, I can honestly say this was one of the most exhilarating & memorable sixty minutes of my life. My mom & dad – who have since passed – participated. My brother & his wife – who have since retired and moved to Florida – participated. Cheryl still married Fred. They now live on a farm in Wooster.
Life has its moments. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. Being able to share great moments with those you love makes them all the sweeter.
The 2025 Doo Dah Parade will begin at 1pm on July 4 at Goodale Park.
Sources: http://digital-collections.columbuslibrary.org; www.doodahparade.com; www.shortnorth.org; www.columbusfreepress.com; www.experiencecolumbus.com; Featured pictures courtesy of Fred from Wooster and the Columbus Metropolitan Library.